Haste Makes Waste

Containment Procedures: AN-13 (Excalibur)

16 August 2023

Designation: AN-13

Classification: Menshazard II, Synthetic Animate (Volitional)

Containment Procedures:

AN-13-A is to be stored in a soundproof, airtight chamber with one entrance. Chamber walls and doors must be comprised of either steel or concrete, and must be at least 3m thick. The floor of the chamber must also be comprised of concrete, and maintained at an additional minimum depth of 3m. Handling of AN-13 is strictly prohibited, except with signed approval from [REDACTED] or above. Any requests made by AN-13-A are to be logged, and disregarded.

Non-compliant instances of AN-13-B are to be sealed within the chamber, with oxygen removed until the subject is successfully disarmed or has expired. Any requests made by AN-13-B are also to be logged, and disregarded. In the event of accidental exposure, staff may be returned to active duty after psychological evaluation.


AN-13-A is a steel, two-edged short sword measuring approximately 80cm in length from pommel to tip. The subject has a plain, bronze hand guard, and leather straps wrapped around its handle. Attempts to weigh AN-13-A have been inconclusive due to its anomalous properties, but has been lifted with one hand by prior volunteers.

When AN-13-A is released by a host onto a hard surface, the subject passes through any solid matter it lands on until approximately 50cm of the blade’s length has penetrated the surface, at which point the subject becomes embedded in the material and cannot be removed except by another instance AN-13-B. During experimentation, AN-13-A is observed to orient itself with its point facing downward, regardless of the distance fallen. No anomalous effect has been observed when dropped into most liquids, until the bottom of the enclosure is reached. (For exceptions see Test Log 14: Dynamic Viscosity)

Matter containing the subject dramatically increases in both hardness and density. Analysis of multiple surfaces after the removal of the subject reveals no lasting anomalous properties. To date, applications of explosives, mining tools, and chemical applicants have failed to remove the subject once lodged; further testing has been paused due to damage to the chamber structural integrity.

AN-13-A remains silent except in the presence of an acceptable host. AN-13-A will begin vocalizing when a host has entered a range of approximately 10m of the space in which it is embedded, most commonly requesting to be withdrawn from the surface in which it is currently embedded.

Approximately 1 in [REDACTED] individuals tested have been able to successfully withdraw the subject from an embedded surface. To date, no statistically significant commonality has been identified between acceptable hosts. Touching AN-13-A does not appear to cause physical harm to the subject, though individuals are at a normal risk of back, neck, and shoulder strain from repeated unsuccessful attempts to remove it from a surface.

A host which has successfully drawn AN-13-A from a surface is designated an instance of AN-13-B. Instances of AN-13-B have been observed to exhibit increased aggression & confidence, with decreased capability for risk assessment. When interviewed, instances of AN-13-B will often express pride in its accomplishment of removing AN-13-A. Instances of AN-13-B are unwilling to drop, sheathe, or otherwise part with AN-13-A, which will continue to vocalize during this time.

Instances of AN-13-B have been observed to be highly suggestible to vocalizations from AN-13-A, often displaying a single-minded desire to seek “worthy opponents”, regardless of whether said opponent is willing, alive, or even sentient. AN-13-B exhibits no further anomalous properties, but due to the unusual sharpness of AN-13-A and the difficulty of reasoning with either subject, it is recommended to keep experimentation brief at the risk of causing unnecessary damage to its chamber.

Audio Log From Experiment #013-36:



DR [REDACTED]: When you are ready, please remove the subject from the stone.

VOLUNTEER: Is this some kind of joke?

DR: It is not. Please approach the [REDACTED], and remove the object from the stone.

AN-13-A: Could it be?! After all these years…the chosen one has returned!

Volunteer: Holy shit, did this [REDACTED] just talk?

DR: Please disregard its directions, except to remove it from the stone.

AN-13-A: YES! Chosen one, grasp me firmly by the handle, and pull me free, that we might accomplish deeds of legend together and free this land from darkness! GRASP ME, CHOSEN ONE.

VOLUNTEER: You can’t be serious.

DR: Please draw the object from the stone.

VOLUNTEER: This is…really stupid. Okay…

[Grunting can be heard from within the chamber. AN-13-A can be heard shouting encouragement, exact wording indiscernible.]

DR: Alright, thank you, that will conclude the experiment. You may-

VOLUNTEER: Wait, hold on, it just shifted a little.

[Metal scraping]

Yeah, I’ve almost got it.

[Sound of a blade sliding against stone]

VOLUNTEER: Oh my god, I did it! I actually did it!

AN-13-A: WELL DONE, CHOSEN ONE! It is just as prophecy foretold!

DR: Oh, they got it. Should we…? Alright. [keying microphone] This concludes the test. The volunteer may now place the object on the ground, and assume recovery position against the-

AN-13-A: NAY, CHOSEN ONE, FORWARD! Now is the time to cleanse this world of evil! Together you and I shall smite the devil himself!

DR: The volunteer will please step away from the door and return the subject to the stone.

VOLUNTEER: The fuck I will!

DR: The volunteer will -

[Screeching metal and crashing]

DR: Not again. Okay, seal the chamber. Seal the chamber!